


You're so Lucky I Love You

by robotmonarchy



Series: Tumblr Prompts and AUs [3]
Category: Futurama
Genre: AU, Dialogue Heavy, Drunkenness, M/M, Other, monk level patience, or the attempt of it, they were always married but now they're married married, they're married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-13 07:01:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5699311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robotmonarchy/pseuds/robotmonarchy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Fry, I wasn’t programmed to have my patience tested this much without giving out at least one bodily type of injury.” </p><p>In which Fry comes home drunk, and Bender is Bender and tries to be less so for the sake of their marriage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're so Lucky I Love You

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [It's Only Logical](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/168421) by Wiggles123. 



Bender looked at his wrist watch for what was probably the 200th time this hour. Being a machine with his own internal clock, a wrist watch was absolutely unnecessary. But you know what? So was not being able to enjoy wearing a wrist watch because of it, or so Bender argued. If he’s only wearing it because he realized he stole it from Hermes last week and felt like rubbing it in by using it, then, well, no one can prove that. Locking eyes with a wrist watch was perfect for nights like this anyway. Nights where he was tense and anxious enough to grip indentions into the sides of the sofa. Nights where he could only take a few sips of his booze, and abandon a well-lit and completely new cigar in favor of sulking. At the end of every minute, Bender would spend another just looking at their apartment door, as if waiting for someone.

Which he wasn’t. Not at all. After all, Bender waits for no one, let alone a no good fleshwad who didn’t know how to appreciate someone who has spent hours awake making sure said no-good-fleshwad made it home safe because _apparently_ asking someone to keep their phone on is too much to ask for!

Bender huffed. Now he’s got himself feeling even more irritated! He opted for staring at something newer than the second needle doing its clockwork on his wrist, and grabbed the television remote laid idle on the empty seat of couch space next to him. He could at least pass the time flipping through endless and muted channels for entertainment. When he realized that a rerun of All My Circuits was on, he still skipped it. Watching that would only make Bender think of _him_. Him with the stupid jacket and boyish charm and dumb hair…Bender scowled. He settled for watching some show on Animal Galaxy, but even with the hilarious imagery of watching people getting mauled by space variations of lions, a glare was permanently fixated on the bot’s features. One more look at the door, and then he’s done. He’s going to watch TV, pass out, and forget any of this ever happened. He turned his head at the closed door of their apartment, but no amount of staring was willing his Fry back home. _Fry._

 _Fry_ who said that he gets upset about Bender always doing things behind his back. Fry, who couldn’t take a joke when Bender said it was only behind his back because he was too much of a dolt to notice anything happening in front of him. Fry, who thought it would be _fair_ and _okay_ to give Bender a dose of his own medicine and walking out on him without telling anything about what he was planning to do.

And now Bender, crippled with fear when he realized that Fry is gone. As in─ he dared to be in a physical place without him, Bender, being there to know about it. It’s not like Bender did anything Fry didn’t already know about anyway. He robs a few people in the park, and sure, occasionally, Bender gets a new phase that causes him to leave Earth to do some soul searching for a few weeks, but honestly, what’s wrong with giving a guy some space anyway? Where did all of this talk about “including your spouse in major decisions is vital in healthy relationship” crap come from? Bender growled. The idiot was probably watching Lifetime again or reading Cosmopolitan magazines left behind somewhere at work by Amy.

Stupid Amy. Stupid Lifetime. Stupid Fry.

None of it mattered anyway, because now Fry, who left poor Bender all alone for longer than was strictly necessary, was probably finding some other newer robot or floozy and leaving Bender behind to rust.

That image alone made something stuttered and clank inside him, as if even his gears would stop turning if Fry really never coming could be a reality. Some part of Bender, the ever dormant logical part of his robot anatomy, knew that it wasn’t going to happen. But the rest of himself just didn’t care. He tried to hope that any second Fry would be walking in through that door with that happy, stupid look on his face. Probably cradling in some abandoned radioactive rodent and demanding that they keep it as a pet or something too. Although the robot supposed he’d let him, if it meant having Fry come back at all. Which he will. Fry has too. He never had reason to leave as far as Bender was concerned. Plus, Bender still had a good majority of his stuff that he’s knicked, precisely for worst case scenarios like this one. All this robot knows is that Fry doesn’t have a choice in coming back. He became Bender’s best friend and impacted his life in great ways no one gave him permission to do, so now he has to shut up, live with the consequences for having a dumb, forgiving, and heartwarming personally, and keep his commitment to his fabulous roommate Bender. Idly, Bender rolled the metal ring on his finger, feeling some of his anxiety diminish away.

Besides, you don’t just go back on certain promises anyway.

The sentimental inner monologue made Bender groan audibly. Where was his old cold, calculating, sociopathic self? He shouldn’t be here worrying over some loser! He doesn’t _need_ Fry back!

Bender threw the remote in his hand at the TV screen. It didn’t crack, which only served to make Bender angrier. He stood up from the couch and started pacing up and down their living room, bristling even more when he realized that it was getting really late. Started stomping in his pacing when he accidentally wondered if this is what Fry goes through when he’s suddenly not around without notice. A neighbor pounded on a shared wall when his stomping became too loud, “SHUT-UP OVER THERE!” Bender carried on anyway.  

“I don’t care. Meatbag could rot right outside our door and I'd laugh! I don’t need anyone!” The words felt really empty, emptier than his chest cabinet, and he sighed gravely. This emotional back and forth takes a toll!

“I’m going to kick his ass.” Bender said lamely.

But then, at last, Bender processed it: a loud, confused rustling of apartment keys. A familiar and sudden voice that said “ow” when said keys presumably rustled to fall directly on a foot, and finally, the slurred and drunken drawl of a 21st century imbecile who really needed some guidance getting their electronic door open, “Bend _herrrrrr! Can you open the door for me?”_

“Our door doesn’t even use keys, dumbass.” Bender grumbled, but he spared not a single second from rushing to the doorway, almost even tripping himself over some discarded Slurm can in the happy turmoil that is their apartment. “Fry, you’re finally home!” The relief in his voice was unmasked for the most part. "Ahem. I knew you'd be back." He added, openly feigning disinterest. 

Fry was slumped at the edge of the now open door way, narrowing his eyes at whoever--or whatever--was speaking to him. Even at first glance, he looked more dirty and disheveled than usual. There were bags under his eyes that looked worse than the purses Bender has stolen from old ladies. And there was a watery glaze in Fry’s tired eyes to go along with it. His hair was parted in a million directions, with no particular hair horn in sight. It seemed that Fry ran his ringers over his scalp so many times from trying to figure out his keys. Even Fry’s red jacket seemed skewed, it was off his shoulders and barely hanging on to his arms. Fry looked like he hadn’t even slept in days, despite the fact he’s only been gone for a few hours. He looked like he thought he was okay though, if the way he rested one arm on his doorway and smirked at nothing said anything about him.

Normally, for a human this would all be hard to see in the dark. Especially in this place where the apartment was poorly lit even with the lights on. At least now the place’s dingy colors and ketchup stains are hidden, if presentation were ever in their worries (loud hint: they’re not.) The only thing there is to support Fry to being able to see anything was the backlight from the TV and the moonlight that escaped from their large window. Fry seemed to barely understand he was home, and Bender was grateful to be a robot with night vision.

Bender narrowed his eyes, he’s seen this version of Fry before. “You’re drunk!” He clenched Fry’s front shirt, effectively pulling him inside the safety of their dark apartment. “Woah! Ha!” Fry stumbled to the couch in front of the TV, presumably because that’s the only thing he can see.

“And you’re drunk without ME!” Bender added, circling the human behind the couch. He glared even harder and said, “You know better than to be drunk without me!”

“I! I...” Fry raised an indignant finger towards the source of the robot’s angry voice. “I don’t remember what I was going to say.” Bender groaned and slapped Fry’s finger away. ( _“Ow!”_ )

While Bender runs on booze and can’t objectively get drunk like humans can, Fry knows how much Bender likes goofing around with him when he’s drunk. It certainly makes dates during bar nights more exciting anyway. Fry happened to be a very clingy drunk too, but Bender insisted that it had nothing to do with anything like that. Bender had added it was because robots don’t need intimacy--whilst holding Fry’s hand.

It’s tempting for Bender to be really angry. But it wouldn’t be effective, the guy didn’t realized he changed the channel to nothing but pure static. “Hey” Fry interrupted himself with a hiccup, “Is this a new show?” He said with awe.

Bender decided to be angry with Fry tomorrow. Particularly in the morning when the human is recovering from a bad hangover. He’s thinking about listing his grievances in loud, archaic, song. 

“Fry.” Bender feigned sweetly, it was the tone of false gentleness that always seemed to catch Fry off guard when he needed something.

Without realizing, Fry found himself smiling serenely. “Hmm?”

Having caught Fry’s most necessary attention, Bender walked around the couch and stood in front of the TV.  “Fry, its 3 A.M. We need to get you to bed.”

“Huagh?” Fry’s eyes squinted. “But it was just getting good!”

 _Deep breaths, Bender._ “Fry, you’re drunk.”

“Mm, no I ain’t! ’ve never been more sober in my life.” Fry crossed his arms over chest and decided to stop looking at him. If you don’t look at what’s annoying you, maybe it’ll go away! It was a sober thought if Fry ever had one.

Bender rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, preach it to the choir. Come on buddy, follow me.”

He grappled the lapels of Fry’s jacket and pulled Fry off the couch. Fry tried squirmed in an attempt to keep his ass on the sofa, but with Bender’s robot strength, it was no use.

Fry pouted. “Why?”  

“Why? Because I said so, that’s why.” He started pulling Fry’s sleeve towards the hallway to their room, but then he stopped. He had an idea and Bender grinned. What if they just decided to go there the long way around to their room? Nothing big, just a few trips walking in circles in their apartment in the dark Fry can’t see in. If he bumps into a coffee table or two, so be it!

To any outside observer, the only clue you’d have what’s going on is the occasional silhouette of a human stubbing his toe and his robot being there to laugh about it.

“How big is this place anyway?!”

“Not nearly big enough.”

“Ow!” _Thump._ “Ow!” Thump thump. “OW! Who put that broken glass there?” Bender only chuckled.

When going in circles finally became boring to Bender, he relented, and guided his idiot human into their bedroom by tugging harder at his jacket sleeve.

Fry groped a wall and air in front of him. “Now where am I?”

“Our bedroom, Fry.” Bender grinded out. “To _sleep_ , you drunkard.”  

Fry groaned like someone ate the crumbs from his favorite bag of chips. “I said I wasn’t drunk!”

“Oh yeah?” Bender placed his hands on his hips. “Well when a cop asked me where I was Thursday at 9PM, I said I was home with you! Don’t mean it’s true.”

Fry’s eyes flicked left. “Wha...Youse said you were going out for a walk that night?”

“Oh never mind you dolt, just get over here.” Bender lifted Fry over his shoulders like he was light as a backpack. “You need to get changed.” Truth be told, Bender was just tired. It was a long night for Fry, and if the way Fry was pounding his fist on his back, its been an even longer one for Bender.

“Hey! Hey! PUT ME DOWN! I can walk! I can even fly!” Fry’s lips started thrumming with children engine noises.

Bender stopped mid walk towards their bed. “Are sure you were only drinking? No, uh, ecstasy or mushrooms?”

“I only had like...like...” Fry looked at each finger of his hand, muttering counts over and over, “Two beers!”

Bender took the time to sense the way Fry smelled now that he literally had the guy over the shoulder. He used his free arm to waft away air. “Ugh, you smell like the inside of my chest cabinet. You definitely drank more than two beers.”

“’ts fine! It was maybe two and half.” Fry muttered, feeling sulkish now that he thought he couldn’t fool anyone anymore.

“Alright, down you go, easy now.” With a plomp, Bender dropped Fry on the edge of their bed.

“Oof!”

He looked pensive while rubbing his backside. “Say...how did you even get in my place anyway?”

Bender, for the sake of their entire relationship, chose to tactfully ignore him as he reached down to grab an old pair of sleeping pants off the floor. It didn’t look too used, in fact it only looked a few days old instead of the usual few weeks.

He started moving his fingers up and down, as if urging him. “Now get up.”

The cross arms were back. “No!”

“Fry.”

“I’m not moving from this spot!”

“Fry, if you don’t get up right now I’m going to do something you’re not going to like.” He warned.

“I’m not ‘fraid of you! I’ve fought brains! I’ve, I’ve, saved the world at least,” He pauses to count his fingers again. “-two times!”

Bender’s optics rolled upwards. He extended metal fingers and prodded both of Fry’s sides, the evil grin on his face ever unwavering.

“Ouch-hee hee,” Fry huffs out several chuckles and squirms his body to try to dodge each prod only to fail. “Stop it! Stop it! That tickles!”

“You gettin’ up now?”

“Yeah...” One last prod. “HA! The one hurt more than it tickled.”

“That’s what you get for acting like you’re five.”

“Okay, what........” Fry became blank.

“What...?” Bender echoed.

“What’s NOW! Now!”  He remembered.

“Sheesh.” Bender face palmed, though the laughter in his voice was fond. “And here I thought you weren’t clear when you are sober.”

“I IS sober!” Fry yelled.

“Yeah, yeah.” Bender reached for the ends of Fry’s jacket, finally at the point where they can just sleep this off and make fun of Fry about everything in the morning.

“Help me take off your jacket, Mr. Sober.”

Fry lifted his arms and the red jacket fell unceremoniously onto the floor. “Off.” He echoed.

Bender grimaced immediately and made another reach for the hem of Fry’s less than white shirt.

“Jesus Fry you have stains all over your shirt. Let me-”

“Hey.” He swat Bender’s hand. Bender, more aggressively, tried again. “HEY. HEY! HEY BUDDY!”

“Fry, I wasn’t programmed to have my patience tested this much without giving out at least one bodily type of injury.” Bender declared bluntly.

“I dun CARE!” Fry stood up now, and shoved Bender away from him.

“I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE, TAKING OFF MY SHIRT, MAKING PASSES ON MY SIDES-”

A flicker of hurt escaped on Bender’s face. “What are you talking abou-”

“BUT I’M IN LOVE WITH MY HUSBAND!” Fry punctuated every word with a firm point on Bender’s chest.

Bender could only stare, the waves on his mouth plate completely stilled. He was dumbfounded.

“HE’S BIG, AND-AND STRONG, AND METAL! HE WILL KICK YOUR ASS INTO THE NEXT MILLENNIUM ONCE I TELL HIM YOU’RE MANHANDLING ME.” Fry continued, increasingly becoming more and more earnest with clenched fist.

Bender blinked out of his daze. He couldn’t avoid an overwhelming sense of warmth coming from his insides. If he wasn’t so dam in love with an idiot, he’d mistake it for his fans malfunctioning or something.

“Oh yeah?” Bender crossed his arms, inquisitive, “What else is your strong, handsome, amazing husband?”

“WELL! HE’S REALLY COOL, I ONCE SAW HIM COMMAND A PIRATE SHIP AND FIGHT A TENTACTLE MONSTER THE SIZE OF A UNIVERSE.” Fry lifted an imaginary sword with one arm while using his free hand to cover his eye. “You had to be there! But wait...Why do you care?” 

Bender’s eyes shifted back and forth and took a step back closer to their nightstand. “Uhh.” 

Fry stopped in his drunken reverie and squinted his eyes at Bender, trying to make sense of him. Fry seemed confused that his so-called assaulter would want to learn more about his husband unless…

“YOU WANT MY HUSBAND, DON’T YOU? WELL.” Fry swayed and raised his fists before swaying another time. “IT’S GONNA BE OVER MY DEAD BODY. THIS RING ON MY FIST IS GONNA TEACH YOU A LESS-” 

“Fry?” Bender looked at him far too adoringly for someone who just got threatened. If Fry wasn’t feeling a little dizzy right now, he’d think he looked proud.

“Huh?” He asked skeptically. 

Bender motions towards the lamp in the unassuming shape of a statue folk singing frog with a banjo. When Bender brought it home one day, Fry didn’t ask any questions, and let him place the uncanny valley thing right there on their nightstand without as much as a comment. That’s how Bender _really_ knew they were gonna work out. He pulled the string, and suddenly the new light source illuminated their little section of the room and lit up Bender’s face.

“I’m your husband.” He smirked, increasingly becoming pleased that he was able to reintroduce himself theatrically.

Fry narrowed his eyes, the focus in his vision working hard to mix three grey blobs into one that looked like his husband. “BENDER!” He hugged him, but it was more like he threw his own body into Bender’s arms. “Where ya been? There was this trash can trying to make a pass on me.” 

Bender patted on Fry’s back in soothing circles but his yellow eyes were menacing. _Trashcan!?_ Never mind.

“I know, I know I took care of him. Now take of your shirt and wear these PJs, for crying out loud.”

And finally, Fry obeyed, and Bender helped him replace jeans for PJs until they were tucked under the covers in bed. The robot noted, although irritably, that sheets were unnecessary when his husband’s drunk ass was practically a furnace. 

“Mm...I’m. I think I’m tired.” Fry muttered against Bender’s chest. He was sprawled all over the robot.

“Drunk people usually are.” Bender replied, exasperated.  

Fry smiled. “You’re really happy right now.” He whispered. He could feel a pleased hum all across Bender’s body. Bender remained silent. Not even he could lie about that.

“Mm...Bender?” Another whisper.

Bender groaned internally. “What?”

“I knew you’d protect me, that other guy had no idea whose husband he was messing with.” The human tighten his arms over a robot a little bit harder.

Square pupils went upwards for the millionth time this night. “I think he had some idea.”

With sleep overlapping his voice, Fry asked, “What do ya mean?”

“Just go to bed, meatbag.” Bender pulled the lamp string. It became dark in the room again albeit not for long. Their window showed that the sky was close to sunrise.

Bender felt a grip on his right hand, and warm fingers interlocked his, thumbing the ring on his finger.

“Youse means go to bed, meat-HUSBAND.”

For the first time this night, Bender felt himself relax and slump into the coziness of his human.

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to the most self indulgent thing i have ever written
> 
> a friend wrote something where they're engaged, and i was compelled to write something where they were married.  
> this is. only alright.
> 
> also the prompt for this is actually this:
> 
> "Your OTP is married. One night Person A is undressing and tucking in a drunk Person B. About halfway through the undressing, Person B starts yelling and roughly shoving off Person A screaming, “Get off me you bastard, I’m in love with my wife/husband!” Person A, though touched, can only side-eye them so hard. "  
> http://otpdisaster.tumblr.com/post/113832066695


End file.
